Comforting others

We found out Bill was sick around Easter.  “They don’t know what’s wrong with him.” They said, “They think it’s his heart.” This was the first hint that our long-time friend was sick.  We weren’t worried.  He was strong and young.  Sixty-two is young to us.  Bill went to the best heart hospital in East Tennessee to be checked out.  His heart was fine but he was not.  He was losing the use of his muscles especially his throat and arms.  Around Mother’s Day, he spent a week in the hospital in Knoxville.  Still no diagnosis and the weakness was spreading.  By the time his wife and daughters brought him in desperation to Nashville’s Vanderbilt Medical Center’s emergency room, he could hardly speak or walk.  When we visited him at the ER, he had already lost 25 pounds and was no longer the strong, healthy Bill that we knew.  We went out of town for Memorial Day weekend and were surprised at how much weaker he was when we got back.  He could no longer walk or stand unassisted.  The doctors were closing in on a diagnosis but the prognosis was not good.  By that time, no one needed a doctor’s advice to know that.  The rare protein that was attacking Bill’s muscles was now attacking his heart.  A week later, Bill passed away.  His wife and daughters, who had made every effort to find help for the one they loved, went back to East Tennessee without him.

 

Jerry and I were stunned and saddened by Bill’s death.  We feel fortunate to have been able to spend some time with Bill during his last week.  We feel honored that we were able to share some comfort with his family during that painful time.  We just happened to be in the right place at the right time.  We offered our spare bedroom to Bill’s youngest daughter and her husband and they spent three nights with us.  One morning as her husband was sitting in our kitchen before heading out to the hospital, he noticed the scripture that is hand-painted on the wall.  It reads, “Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay.”  (1 Peter 4:9)  He said, “Considering I am sleeping in your guest room, I guess you really do that.”  The odd thing was that we had planned to paint over that wall when we had painted the hallway about two months ago.  On two separate painting days we had forgotten to paint that wall and we still plan to paint it when we get around to painting the living room.  I am rethinking that decision.

 
Being able to comfort a friend when someone they love is dying is a powerful thing.  There is probably no other time in a family’s life that is more important than perhaps at the birth of a child.  We know that life brings tragedy and troubles.  The longer I live the more I realize that there is no way to prevent times of pain and hardship; but with age comes wisdom to know how to get through those times with the help of God and good friends.  During a serious illness a few years ago, a friend from church brought me a cup of coffee every day because he knew the hospital coffee was not good.  I did not know the young guy well, but he went out of his way to comfort me with a simple cup of coffee.  Having been comforted by others, I am encouraged to repay the debt by being available when others need me to supply their comfort.  To me, it is more than a scripture painted on the wall, it is a lifestyle.

Is this really happening?

The mission trip to Honduras is history so I must record my observations so that they are not history as well. I was excited and scared when I arrived at the airport at 4 a.m. on Saturday, March 12th, for our flight to San Pedro Sula, Honduras. My brother, Jimmy, asked me, "Have you ever asked yourself, 'Is this really happening?'" Well, yes, I have!

I had that same feeling Sunday morning when I woke up in Honduras to the sound of strange birds and crowing roosters. After breakfast we hiked up Ambassador Mountain to see the grave of Charlie Smith, the founder of Heart to Honduras.

In the afternoon we visited the home of the women for whom we would be building a house during the week. Her name is Guadalupe and she has twin boys, Ande and Andre. When I wrote my blog about her the week before I left, I could not even imagine that a family could live in such a "house" as the place where Guadalupe and her family were living. It was basically a shed made of wooden slats with spaces between them and a hard, packed dirt floor. One of the things we noticed when we visited on Sunday was a broken piece of mirror propped up on the wall. We decided then we would buy her a new mirror at the end of the week.

On Sunday night we had a wonderful Tilapia dinner at a restaurant before visiting a local church for service. There was much singing and dancing. The children would pull our hands for us to come and dance with them. I am no dancer but they didn't give us an option. I noticed a little girl behind me was not dancing. She seemed shy. I smiled and took a clothes pin on which we had written "Amigo/Friend" off my shirt and clipped it on her shirt. Later, she tapped me and held out a dirty, NASCAR elastic hair band for me to put on my wrist. She was wearing one on her wrist. I felt guilty for taking it from her since they have so little but how could I turn down such a gift. I wore it faithfully for a week. I didn't get the little girl's name but I won't forget her generosity.

2010 - Best of the Best

As most people do during the New Year, I have reflected on the year just completed.  Two Thousand Nine had not been one of my most favorite years.  It actually was one of my worst; second only to 2003 when my father died.  Two Thousand, the year I almost died, pales in comparison to those two.  So, I am very happy to say 2010 was a pretty good year.  Let's look at the evidence:

Health of our family - Jerry and I both exercised consistently during 2010.  That made a big difference in how we felt generally.  I even walked my first race and lost some weight during the year.  Jerry's brothers and sisters-in-law had some rough patches but have come through them.  My mom had an uneventful, sweet, healthy year.  Considering we didn't think she would be with us into 2011, that is a blessing although coping with her dementia remains extremely hard.

Vacations - The highlight of our year was our helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon while on vacation in Las Vegas in February.  Fantastic!  My sister, Linda, and I took a trip to Alabama in March to visit our maternal grandparents' graves and do some ancestral research.  Linda, we really must do that again.  Over Labor Day our family rented a cabin at Center Hill Lake.  The guys played golf and the rest of us went to Burgess Falls and Cumberland Caverns.  So fun!  In December we got snowed in at a condo in Gatlinburg while celebrating Ron and Shelby's 50th wedding anniversary.  It really doesn't matter where you are or what you do.  Hanging out with the ones you love makes for the best of times.

Time with Family and Friends - Turner and Carson spent some quality time at our house during the summer.  We packed as many activities and memories into those days as possible.  We spent some happy weekends with all of them in Jonesborough.  Having them so far away is sad for me but seeing them so happy in their new home helps.  In December I spent a week with them in the snow and ice just playing Barbies and helping out.  It was wonderful to see Carla and Carson in their church Christmas play.  We have spent many a Friday or Saturday night lingering over a plate of food chatting with good friends.  That's how we spent the last few hours of 2010 -- talking, laughing and eating with old friends.

So, 2010 is history but it was good history filled with many pleasant memories that we will cherish for years to come.  Yes, the economy wasn't great and we wish we had made more money but we are rich in bunches of other things, things that money can't buy.

My Friend, Jim Dale

My friend and mentor, Jim Dale, passed away on May 19, 2009.  I didn't find out about his passing until the evening of May 21, the day of the funeral.  Jim couldn't be dead; he was only 66 and I had a book laying in the kitchen to loan to him.  I was crushed that I could not honor a man at his death who had done so much for others during his life.

 

During the 1980's I had the opportunity to attend a seminar by Zig Zigler and Brian Tracy.  It is not an overstatement to say that I learned things that day about being a sales professional that literally changed the course of my life.  It also set me on a course that would lead me to Jim Dale.  After that seminar, I had a desire to do what they did -- change peoples lives by sharing valuable information in an entertaining way.

About 10 years later, while visiting my parent's church in Nashville and it occurred to me that a speaker, John Grogan, also attended that church.  John was a dynamic speaker and had appeared on stage with Norman Vincent Peele and others.  I approached him and shared with him my desire to be a speaker.  He said, "If that's what you want to do, I know someone who can help you."  John and Jim belonged to the same speaker's organization and John knew Jim had a mentoring program for speakers.  In September of 1999, I met Jim Dale and spent three days with him learning as much as I could about public speaking.  With his course, came access to all his resources along with lifelong mentoring.  Even though I lived 200 miles from Jim at the time, we spoke on the phone often and we became friends as well as teacher and student.

In the next few years, both of our lives were touched by serious illness.  In 2000, I had a brain hemorrhage and in 2002 Jim almost died of stomach cancer.  A life-theatening illness along with the crippling effects 9/11/01 had on the speaking industry basically ended my short speaking career and did serious financial damage to Jim Dale's career.  He somehow managed to continue booking and holding speaking engagements even through extensive chemotherapy.  He had no other choice.

When I saw Jim again in 2003 after I moved to Nashville, I could not believe it was the same man.  He always laughed and said, "I'm half the man I used to be."  Over the next six years, we would met occasionally for lunch or Jerry and I would meet him for dinner.  He could not eat much so he would tell stories and we would listen.  Jim was a quiet and lonely man with few close friends.  To supplement his income, Jim had started substitute teaching in high schools around Nashville.  He used his famous stories and magic tricks to educate and entertain his students.  By the stories he told me, I knew how much Jim loved his students and how much he wanted them to understand their true value.  In April of 2009, Jim told me how excited and honored he was that his favorite high school had asked him to be the baccalaureate speaker in May.  It was his last speech.

When I found out that Jim had passed away, I called John Grogan and told him the news.  We talked at length about Jim's great gift and his passion for God and serving people.  I was comforted by the posts made on Jim's memorial site and especially by the post of a man who had heard Jim's last speech and been profoundly affected by it.  I tried contacting Jim's daughter whom I felt I knew from Jim's stories but she never replied.  I wanted her to know what a great man her father had been and how deeply he had touched people's lives.  An employer of mine once told me if I wanted to know how important I was I should stick my finger in a bucket of water and pull it out and see what kind of impression it left.  Well, life is not a bucket of water.  One person's life can matter a great deal more than one may ever know.  That was Jim Dale, my meek and kind friend and mentor.